the differences are staggering

Mia has a cold and was being a pain at bedtime so I rocked with her for awhile. She asked for cheese and I told her it would make her snottier and that she couldn't have it. Had I sad the same thing to Henry (which I'm pretty sure I have) when he was 2.5 or, um, yesterday, he would have likely responded with a freak out such as, "No it doesn't! But I want it. I'm so hungry. Please. Please. Please! It isn't fair." and possibly throw in an, "I never get cheese. Why do I neeeever eeeeever get cheese?" But, Mia in this instance replied "I want snot. I want more snot. I want snot and cheese!" Way to roll with it kid. Which is not to say that she doesn't throw colossal tantrums. Oh, she does but she is also a bit more flexible and understands the power of humor even though she still didn't get any cheese.

progress

Finally today I am feeling almost completely well. This is good since I had a lot of work to do, had to do dinner and bedtime on my own (for the kids that is), and our fucking oil tank is leaking. Even thought things are a mess around here still I have this intense drive to start something new, a project of some sort. Yet I have no idea what it will be. Talking with friends tonight about getting pregnant (them) and remodeling things I feel a little envious. I want to be embarking on something new and fun and creative. I want to plan. On the other hand I am completely bogged down with uncertainly and trepidation about Henry's school. I think all I really need is sleep but I know from experience that a project will materialize and become clear. I just hope it's more exciting than finally organizing the basement.

a rare moment

I hate to imply that the best thing my family can do is leave me alone but it's 6:40 and they are all happily asleep. No one is even sick and they didn't put up a fight. Jason isn't down for the night and, truth be told, I don't mind it when he hangs around me in the evening (which he actually never does but that's another story) but otherwise this is quite a luxury. I am printing a crossword puzzle, going to making some herbal tea and curling up on the couch. In this moment this is all I could ever ask for.

10 years

Because I am still sick and tired, I will go with more photos. It has actually been a nice excuse to look through some old photos. As of recently I have my screensaver set up to cycle randomly through the 9,136 (holy shit, who needs that many photos!?) photos in my iphoto library so the kids get fixated on old shots of themselves and glimpses into our lives before them and people they have hardly met. Today I am pulling a few of the only photos we took on our 10-year (13 together) anniversary weekend away in September. It takes me about that long (a couple of months) to be able to see photos, of myself particularly, for what they are and not fixate on the unsightly bits. So, there you have it. I would post wedding shots or something older for comparison but those were from the days of print and I haven't scanned anything, which also means that the almost 10,000 digital photos represent only 7 years. We definitely look a lot older but still pretty happy overall.

slow road

Still fighting this cold and we had a horrendously bad night last night full of nightmares and other childhood issues that had me and both kids up for much of the night between 12 and 4am. Amazingly I had enough energy and brain power to get Henry out the door, do some needed work, pick him up, work a little more, clean up a bit, get a short massage (at home- I can't say how great it is to have a massage therapist with free time in the family), contribute to dinner and bed, do dishes, do a tiny bit more work, and watch some mediocre tv. That is it. I am off to sleep, desperate for an uninterrupted night. We'll see.

under the weather

In a rare twist, I am the only one sick in this house. You would think that's a reasonable configuration but not so much. It's nothing major so far, just a cold with some isolated symptoms and a lot of fatigue. I did get to rest much of the day, if you can call it that. I didn't have to do much but nothing much got done and it all happened at high volumes so it feels like a bit of a waste. I guess moms can't really get a day off in any case. I'm off to sleep off what I can and hope for a little better day tomorrow.

nostalgia

There is simply no way I can have another baby. I keep saying I will spend more time with friend's babies but that is hardly practical. And, really there's just nothing like having one's own babies and watching them grow up. At least I have photos and hazy memories. Sigh.